strangers in the night

wow..the strangest dream ever...

Under the blanket

The cold season is approaching and although I hate how my hands get very cold when I am outside or even inside if the heater is not on, there is something somber about the mood of winter that somehow just feels right. Or wrong, at times. It depends on a variety of things to determine my mood. Mostly, I am happy, or I convince myself to be. After all, life consists of so many wonderful things to rejoice about. The laughter of children, babies smiling at you making your hearts flutter, whispering sweet nothings to your loved ones. But I am also nervous. Nervous about the scholarship extension, nervous(but excited) about the future and everything in between. But if there is any place I want to be right now, it's home. Home where you can be you.

chest matter

Okay, so many girls out there complain about the size of their boobs. Specifically, how small they are. As for me, it is the other end of the spectrum. No, no, mine is not huge or something.It is just normal-sized. Nevertheless, I cannot wear those tight buttoned-down shirts because the space between the buttons tend to be quite revealing. For the record, I love buttoned-down shirts. Not the really tight ones la, but not so loose either. Even then, I cannot really wear them. Sigh. I used to be very shy of my chest because people tend to tease me about it. Now, I don't really think about it so much unless I catch people staring at it. Case in point, my teacher. I was wearing a tight t-shirt one day and I caught him staring, maybe accidentally but still, I think he was staring at them. I can't do anything about my chest because it's genetics. Look at my face not my chest, haha! Ok la, I know my face is nothing to be amazed about. Girls everywhere, be proud of your bosom, no matter how big or small they are. They are God-given, and nothing to be ashamed about!

Back from Hiatus

It has been a while eh. I write only when I am in the mood, so u can say I wasn't really in the mood last month because I was back in Malaysia(yay!) Met up with my dearest friends. You guys rock my world! Of course, my parents, I couldn't ask for a better Mom or Dad. I know I always fight with my dad(more like everytime I go back) and he doesn't always give in to my every wishes so u cannot call me a Daddy's girl..but he has always tried to protect me(sometimes too much) and he did the best he could for me. I always wish that I was born a boy so that I can follow his footsteps:) My mom, she used to be strict with me and we did not always have much money growing up. She has always persevered and she never gave up on me, no matter what. This post is getting way too personal, hmm.

It is back to school and I have this presentation coming up in two weeks time. I am in the process of getting the slides done and it is really a lot of work but I will persevere and show em' that I am able to do this. Even if I do not pull it off, I hope I can be satisfied knowing I've tried my very best.

These days I question myself. What is love? Does it mean accepting someone as they are, or trying to show that special person how much you love them, be it in words or actions? Last week was a personal turmoil for me. I cried, feeling lost on what I should do. I am a tense person,I think. Love is not supposed to be smooth sailing but I do want to feel that on a deeper level, that this is going to go further than all my relationships. I still have doubts, more like doubting my ability to restrain myself from feeling needy. There are times when I felt I was let down. One,especially, is etched forever in my memory. I look around and I see other guys with their significant others but I was always left alone, especially after the 6-month-mark. Am I that insignificant? Am I not pretty or cute enough? Am I too needy? But that doesn't mean that he is all bad, just not for me. I am pretty sure he is happy right now. Away from me, the needy,pushy, demanding, crybaby girl he dated. . In my case, I think now I am able to forgive but not really forget. I have wronged so many in the past too and I ask for forgiveness. I am not all that good either. I wished I knew how to play the game of love. I wish there are specific set of rules that if followed, will bring us to happiness. But nothing like that exists, for sure. All I can hope right now is that, come what may, I hope for more good memories of love, sharing, giving and receiving.(quoting Joey from Friends)

Being sentimental and the end of an era

I am a sentimental kinda person, more so when I was younger. I will keep cards,stuff, books, textbooks, handicrafts, letters, anything that holda special place in my heart, no matter how crowded my room gets.
I came across an article in yahoo about 100 things that the future generation will probably never know about. Our need for faster, smaller, cooler, better things are slowly taking over the things we grew up with. The word slowly maybe an understatement because at the rate technology is developing now, those things that once were a source of joy and entertainment to us would probably be rendered extinct soon enough.

I'll always remember the days of VHS, cassettes, handwritten letters, laser discs(haha I watched My Girl with this)I may not be born in the era of vinyl records but I had a few back at home. What else..hmm? Encylopedia-the equivalent of a wikipedia. I myself really enjoyed reading wiki a lot but when I was young, the Encyclopedia for Kids was such a fun read. I am pretty sure one day we will find ourselves wondering about the bygone era. That is when we will smile, I hope, knowing that there were simpler times.

I remember when I was young and even though they are not so rich, but they manage to provide me the thing I needed the most. Love. Heck, I can even say I was spoiled. Not with toys or anything, I never have those in abundance, just a few. I miss how she will cook porridge for me everyday without fail. I miss her taking me to school using the bus. I miss him spoiling me and comforting me when people scolded me. As I am slowly learning now, nothing in life is as important as family. No matter what you do and who you are, there are the ones that are going to stand by you through thick and thin. So if you think you haven't talk to your parents in a long while or even ur grandparents, call them and tell them that you do still care. They sacrificed a lot for you. I know mine did.

Sometimes I wonder and think if this is really what it is, they why don't i feel differently. There are thousands of valid reasons and maybe, that is all the explanation I need to just stop thinking about it anymore. To just be myself and slave to no one, not even money or time. No, I am sorry. Sorry for this and for every single thing. The timing, the sheer madness of it all is wearing me down.