Tuesday, December 1, 2009

the time traveler's wife

I read the novel before I watch the movie because when novels are being adapted to the big screen, you can be certain that the director, writers etc will tweak it a little bit or a lot so that the movie will appeal to the masses, or in other words, sell a lot of tickets. For me, the novel was very entertaining. I am a hopeless romantic and I love how the novel portrays a simple love story in a different light. It's slightly mushy but nevertheless, for an eternal romantic like me, it tastes like hot chocolate on a rainy day. Safe, warm, comfortable, and endorphin-inducing. The movie, well as almost all adaptations do, did try its best to be as true as possible to the book. I think it's sweet and for someone who read the novel beforehand, well, it's so much easier to pinpoint and savour each scene. I am not too sure what I would think of the movie if I did not read the novel. Maybe slightly unclear on some parts. They changed the ending too. Oh well, it still managed to make me shed a tear or two. Very melodramatic. Love makes the world go round, doesn't it? And when Hollywood churn out these kind of movies, where the lead male/hero appears to be sensitive to his girlfriend's feelings, caring and all around the perfect guy, it's almost unbelievable. And you start wishing for one yourself. But, of course, perfection only exists in the fantasy world. Oh, but a girl can wish, can't she?

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

strangers in the night

wow..the strangest dream ever...

Monday, November 16, 2009

Under the blanket

The cold season is approaching and although I hate how my hands get very cold when I am outside or even inside if the heater is not on, there is something somber about the mood of winter that somehow just feels right. Or wrong, at times. It depends on a variety of things to determine my mood. Mostly, I am happy, or I convince myself to be. After all, life consists of so many wonderful things to rejoice about. The laughter of children, babies smiling at you making your hearts flutter, whispering sweet nothings to your loved ones. But I am also nervous. Nervous about the scholarship extension, nervous(but excited) about the future and everything in between. But if there is any place I want to be right now, it's home. Home where you can be you.

Sunday, September 27, 2009

chest matter

Okay, so many girls out there complain about the size of their boobs. Specifically, how small they are. As for me, it is the other end of the spectrum. No, no, mine is not huge or something.It is just normal-sized. Nevertheless, I cannot wear those tight buttoned-down shirts because the space between the buttons tend to be quite revealing. For the record, I love buttoned-down shirts. Not the really tight ones la, but not so loose either. Even then, I cannot really wear them. Sigh. I used to be very shy of my chest because people tend to tease me about it. Now, I don't really think about it so much unless I catch people staring at it. Case in point, my teacher. I was wearing a tight t-shirt one day and I caught him staring, maybe accidentally but still, I think he was staring at them. I can't do anything about my chest because it's genetics. Look at my face not my chest, haha! Ok la, I know my face is nothing to be amazed about. Girls everywhere, be proud of your bosom, no matter how big or small they are. They are God-given, and nothing to be ashamed about!

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Back from Hiatus

It has been a while eh. I write only when I am in the mood, so u can say I wasn't really in the mood last month because I was back in Malaysia(yay!) Met up with my dearest friends. You guys rock my world! Of course, my parents, I couldn't ask for a better Mom or Dad. I know I always fight with my dad(more like everytime I go back) and he doesn't always give in to my every wishes so u cannot call me a Daddy's girl..but he has always tried to protect me(sometimes too much) and he did the best he could for me. I always wish that I was born a boy so that I can follow his footsteps:) My mom, she used to be strict with me and we did not always have much money growing up. She has always persevered and she never gave up on me, no matter what. This post is getting way too personal, hmm.

It is back to school and I have this presentation coming up in two weeks time. I am in the process of getting the slides done and it is really a lot of work but I will persevere and show em' that I am able to do this. Even if I do not pull it off, I hope I can be satisfied knowing I've tried my very best.

These days I question myself. What is love? Does it mean accepting someone as they are, or trying to show that special person how much you love them, be it in words or actions? Last week was a personal turmoil for me. I cried, feeling lost on what I should do. I am a tense person,I think. Love is not supposed to be smooth sailing but I do want to feel that on a deeper level, that this is going to go further than all my relationships. I still have doubts, more like doubting my ability to restrain myself from feeling needy. There are times when I felt I was let down. One,especially, is etched forever in my memory. I look around and I see other guys with their significant others but I was always left alone, especially after the 6-month-mark. Am I that insignificant? Am I not pretty or cute enough? Am I too needy? But that doesn't mean that he is all bad, just not for me. I am pretty sure he is happy right now. Away from me, the needy,pushy, demanding, crybaby girl he dated. . In my case, I think now I am able to forgive but not really forget. I have wronged so many in the past too and I ask for forgiveness. I am not all that good either. I wished I knew how to play the game of love. I wish there are specific set of rules that if followed, will bring us to happiness. But nothing like that exists, for sure. All I can hope right now is that, come what may, I hope for more good memories of love, sharing, giving and receiving.(quoting Joey from Friends)

Friday, July 24, 2009

Being sentimental and the end of an era

I am a sentimental kinda person, more so when I was younger. I will keep cards,stuff, books, textbooks, handicrafts, letters, anything that holda special place in my heart, no matter how crowded my room gets.
I came across an article in yahoo about 100 things that the future generation will probably never know about. Our need for faster, smaller, cooler, better things are slowly taking over the things we grew up with. The word slowly maybe an understatement because at the rate technology is developing now, those things that once were a source of joy and entertainment to us would probably be rendered extinct soon enough.

I'll always remember the days of VHS, cassettes, handwritten letters, laser discs(haha I watched My Girl with this)I may not be born in the era of vinyl records but I had a few back at home. What else..hmm? Encylopedia-the equivalent of a wikipedia. I myself really enjoyed reading wiki a lot but when I was young, the Encyclopedia for Kids was such a fun read. I am pretty sure one day we will find ourselves wondering about the bygone era. That is when we will smile, I hope, knowing that there were simpler times.

Monday, July 6, 2009

I remember when I was young and even though they are not so rich, but they manage to provide me the thing I needed the most. Love. Heck, I can even say I was spoiled. Not with toys or anything, I never have those in abundance, just a few. I miss how she will cook porridge for me everyday without fail. I miss her taking me to school using the bus. I miss him spoiling me and comforting me when people scolded me. As I am slowly learning now, nothing in life is as important as family. No matter what you do and who you are, there are the ones that are going to stand by you through thick and thin. So if you think you haven't talk to your parents in a long while or even ur grandparents, call them and tell them that you do still care. They sacrificed a lot for you. I know mine did.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Sometimes I wonder and think if this is really what it is, they why don't i feel differently. There are thousands of valid reasons and maybe, that is all the explanation I need to just stop thinking about it anymore. To just be myself and slave to no one, not even money or time. No, I am sorry. Sorry for this and for every single thing. The timing, the sheer madness of it all is wearing me down.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

of sotsuken and whatnots

Sotsuken(graduation research??) is tiring, that I can tell you. It is time-consuming, without a doubt. On the other hand, there is a sense of accomplishment if it is successful. Though I am a lot busier these days, when the day is done, I look back and say, what a day indeed! I wonder if this enthusiasm of mine will fade as time passes by. Oh and I think my wisdom tooth is coming out again. (I took the other out last year) I think I am going to see the dentist to see if he can extract this one as well. It is not that I hated my wisdom tooth or anything. It is just plain annoying and it might be a real headache as u grow older and to people who had had braces before, it is better to extract it. I am not sure exactly why but it might disturb the alignment of your teeth. There goes all the dentist visits and thin metal rod pulling the teeth together(indescribable pain, I can attest to that) Also, the humiliation suffered every time u laugh or talk or kiss.I did not have a boyfriend during high school so I will not know about the kissing part. If anyone can enlighten me, I will be happy. The sun ain't shining that much these days isn't it. So, peeps, do not forget the ever-important umbrella okay. Shine or rain, that is your best friend. I'm getting darker these days also. Let's lather on the sunscreen, girls!!

Sunday, June 14, 2009

The journey starts here

It is over for me, for now at least. I passed the exam and next year I will be transferring to Nokodaiー東京農工大学. But life in itself is a lifelong education process. It does not stop here that is for sure. I am looking forward to next year, for this and so many other wonderful reasons.

Friday, May 22, 2009

I notice lately I am putting on weight especially around that belly area. So in order to get a hot body for the summer so I can fit into those pretty pretty looking bikinis they have on sale, I have to get to in shape by doing EXERCISE. I am not a big fan of exercise. I did some la in PPKTJ but in Japan, not so much. But after the exams are over, I will get down to business. I hope.
My preferred form of exercise: jogging, walking briskly, more jogging, cycling?, maybe i will take up swimming again in malaysia...what else is good? pilates? maybe.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

they say that friendship between two girls is complicated. for me thankfully i have someone who is willing to unravel all that. she is someone i met when i was 15 and we have our ups and downs and now finally we manage to find a common ground. but actually we found that out long time ago la. I call her sometimes and we talk until the credit habis ahaha.and seriously, that for me has been therapeutic than ofuro. i have very few close friends and she is one of them and one of the closest. thanks dear, u mean so much to me u know. glad having u in my life:)

another would be my childhood buddy. although i cannot answer most of ur questions in facebook, there are some things which i think i can answer. like how u broke ur arm(left) when u were young. like how u used to ask people to call u a certain name. like how u used to have this red mini car that we used to drive and usually ur the driver. haha. and how we would play till the sunset. do u remember how simpler those days were. remember titanic? remember the book of celebs? i used to envy u for having an electronic dictionary. i wanted one so much but i was too shy to ask from u to play with it. but when i was so naive, u were my reality ground, the pillar i lean on, u were always the stronger one. thanks for everythg. cannot write all those things we shared together. shy.hehe
Why this guy always have to rely on me for reports. I mean those are simple calculations what....Ish..Do I look like Santa to u? I already told u that u should at least try to do some. But still u argggh! Patience Joceline. Only two more months and this will be over. Oh I am talking about experiment reports. My partner copies mine every week. Siao.
Sometimes I think what if I fail 農工大。I am nervous. No, I am more than nervous. Like a huge bundle of nerves. But still can find time to watch youtube and friends. Hey Joceline get to work la.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

There is no turning back now. I am definitely taking the suisen to nokodai.Paid the lump sum of 30000man multiply 3 and im so much poorer now but that is not even the main obstacle. Give me the strength God. I know I will be okay but I have to prepare for the worst.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

so tell me, if you feel that there is constant power struggle in a relationship, do u somehow take that as a challenge to better yourself or will it lower your self-esteem even more? sigh

Monday, May 4, 2009

dashboard confessional-stolen

We watch the season pull up its own stakes
And catch the last weekend of the last week
Before the gold and the glimmer have been replaced,
Another sun soaked season fades away

You have stolen my heart

Invitation only, grand farewells
Crash the best one, of the best ones
Clear liquor and cloudy eyed, too early to say goodnight

You have stolen my heart

And from the ballroom floor we are in celebration
One good stretch before our hibernation
Our dreams assured and we all, will sleep well

You have stolen
You have stolen my heart

I watch you spin around in your highest heels
You are the best one, of the best ones
We all look like we feel

You have stolen my
You have stolen my heart

nothing whatsoever to do with my feelings ok. People stop jumping to conclusions.Tee hee

Thursday, April 30, 2009

I am tired, of thinking, of studying, well but i still have a month to go. I must go on. Why la i want to masuk nokodai so much. It is not that I have an overwhelming passion for chemistry or engineering. I can always take the easy way out, or in other words, choosing a university with a lower 倍率. I can always take Udai(nobody is taking it in my class) Utsunomiya University is next to a freaking huge shopping small, highly convenient, accessible, near Oyama and basically it's not so bad. I'm not as good as my classmates(four of them are taking noko suisen too), not as good as my seniors, and certainly not as good as my batchmates. What the hell, I am not even good at anything!!! Serious lack of self-esteem here. But I was hoping nokodai's curriculum would help me in 2 year's time when I apply for _______.Not telling you guys but that is my secret dream. Laughable, highly impossible, but still a dream ok. That is what I've always wanted and that is what I aim to achieve la. But if I can't, it is still ok. I'll just grab whatever opportunity that comes along. Or I can adopt a child and fuss over him/her. If someone wants to have a child with me, that's great too. And then I'll proceed to decorating my house and try to be the best cook ever, for my family. This is getting way too personal, see ya.

Monday, April 27, 2009

bla bla entropy..gibbs, life, late night telephone calls, mood swings, being negative, being positive, tired, happy, love, parents, money, thinking of home, Bali, beaches, holding hands, watching sunset
makumari, kameyama sensei, research, nokodai, gunma, gidai, celeb gossips, Uni of Pennsylvania, Vera Wang, miu miu handbags..

Friday, April 24, 2009

wahhhh i loved this song when i was in primary 3(4?)
guess it was the catchy tune!

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Played joshi sakka(soccer for ladies) today. After like a gazillion years of not exercising, finally, I feel a bit energized in the sense that blood is pumping, the adrenaline is rushing and on top of it all, I had fun. But my soccer skills are abysmal, at most. But in terms of having fun, this is probably one of the best I've had in recent times. LALALALALA...I want to have more fun!Ok off to shower and sotsuken...mUah, kisses and hugs to everyone! I'm a hugger. I like to be hugged. Hugs are the best thing in the world. Apart from kisses. Slow kisses. Ok too much info there:P

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

So what if I'm not like you. Stop it. Fuck what others think. I don't need your acknowledgment of me. (well it's a whole different story if you are my dad, mom, family members, close friends or teachers) As far as I am concerned, I have a less than perfect life but I like it just the way it is. But sigh, things are easier said than done. I care about what others think about me. I should adopt a more fearless attitude, and I shall do that (or at least try to). Ironically, in an article published somewhere, most of the time people are so preoccupied with their own problems to notice others anyway. So why bother? I sound angry but the way I am feeling right now, that is probably the least accurate word to describe me. The only word to describe me now is hopeful, wistful, soul-searching, plain Jane..etc. Ah why am I blogging on a constant basis nowadays.
I love school as an institution. It gives me a sense of purpose, but lately is it right to define or value yourself in terms of academic achievements? Aren't other values such as compassion, caring, kind, patient, loving, forgiving weigh as heavy, if not more? How about monetary value, is it politically correct to say money is the all important thing in life? I, for one, think it is important but not surpassing others such as written above.

Sunday, April 19, 2009

So many many many thanks to my dearest friend who sent me a very pretty, chic blouse all the way from the fashion capital of the world. A bit exaggerating there by the way, you may refute that K. The thing with me lately is that I'm extremely stressed but thanks to a few friends I am faring better these days. Apart from the fact that my throat is not feeling 100percent, I think I'm ok. I've decided that what really matters is having those close to you giving you their utmost support.
Also, I think I am ready to put everything behind once and for all now. Life is funny but I think I'm glad with how it has turned out thus far. Funny but strange. All I am thinking about now is going back home, maybe a trip to Sabah, and be with people who lifts me up, care for me as I do them. I've got to make a heavy decision which might hurt someone I really care about deeply. I do care. I am always going to.

Friday, March 20, 2009

Wah it has been ages since i dropped by here. For that same reason, my friend (yes i am looking at u K) thought i had ceased to exist. But we chatted last night and all is well again. So my schedule lately is so and so, study-sleep-eat. But as for the studying part, I really have no clue on how to progress. I think I am progressing but I actually am not. I am just stuck here and there. Inferiority complex starts to kick in my nerves and I picked up Sophie's Choice, dwelling in its sarcasm and wit. I am not bored, I am in love, I am not in love, I am bored,emotions is a tricky element. Vanishing Acts was emotionally draining to read and the ending is a happy one albeit leaving us to wonder what will happen next. The Curious Case of Benjamin Button was a curious affair, one that presented us of a viewpoint of life in reverse. Or go-stan, as Malaysians termed it. For once, maybe, just maybe, you might be the perfect match:)

Tuesday, February 17, 2009


I want to watch this movie so much!
Basically I like the plot and I think the on-screen couple chemistry is pretty strong here. Jessica Aniston and Ben Affleck are so perfect for each other.

i got tagged

Rules: Once you’ve been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it’s because I want to know more about you.

1. I can get pretty industrial when it comes to cleaning the kitchen.
2. I prefer fish over red meat but i can have both.
3. I used to have only apples for lunch. I don't do that anymore. Now, I have a healthier appetite.
4. I'm obsessed with Sex and the City.
5. I keep my nails short, ALL the time. How short? Very short.I prefer it that way although longer nails probably look nicer.
6. I don't really take spicy food. If it is too spicy, I might have a date with the toilet later.
7. I have dark circles under my eyes and it is not caused by lack of sleep! It's in my genes. Horrible as it looks, I have to live with it.
8. I like tulips.
9. I like pastel colours.
10. I cry when I watch sad movies.
11. I have oily skin.sigh.
12. I can't swim. Tried learning but stopped halfway. Another big sigh.
13. I am not good at sports. But I know exercise is good for health.
14. I don't classify myself as a neat freak but I would like some semblance of order in my room.
15. Hopeless romantic.
16. I am quite the recluse if I am not familiar with someone. I think I am shy.
17. I want to buy a house right now(although this is impossible)
18. I am wary of everyone. But I try not to judge.
19. I am absent-minded.
20. I miss my childhood. Lyssa, are u reading this?? Yeah I miss those carefree days of playing badminton and games we played.
21. I want to visit Hokkaido during wintertime.
22. I think I dream every single night. It is very rare if I don't dream. Some dreams are more vivid than others.
23. I am getting closer to 25.
24. I just finished my exams and I am so relieved!
25. I am thinking of someone right now<3

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

exam stress

Yeah it has been stressful for me too. I bet that kosen 4th year students are all thinking about it. Those that are thinking of furthering their studies, that is. Jukken or suisen. Both have its pros and cons. Jukken means sitting for exams and suisen is entry via recommendation, likely much easier but there are no 100 percent guarantee to pass. All of this decision would be much easier if money is not involved, right guys?This is not only testing the limits of our brain, it is also digging deeper into our pockets, hehe. Cause exams don't come cheap baby. We suffer and we pay for it has a whole new meaning now, don't they?
Wow, one paragraph and nothing is concerning studies and the stress that comes with it. I will touch on that now. My brain is not build like Albert Einstein's and I'm no math genius. I did try my best to understand though. I gave it a shot. And I feel even more hopeless as I realized that EVERY single word counts. 実数、整数, as my senior explained to me yesterday has a profound impact. I felt dizzy as I realized my basics are very rapuh, for lack of a better word. Big big sigh.
頑張るしかないんだ。I should have paid more attention during Maths lessons.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

korea















there are lots more pictures but here are few good ones. Note to self: buy a better camera or travel with someone with a good camera. All of the pics are from someone else`s camera, my pics are just blah! Kudos to them->joyce joann, mayching, xinning, kelly, pikyee, tang yii, kaining, wanying, chi wern and vincent. lastly,thanks for the company!!!

Sunday, January 4, 2009

The holidays are coming to an end. And I still find myself feeling lethargic even after 12 hours of sleep. I`m wondering if my friends visit this blog anymore. I`m just not into blogging that much for now, at least. Maybe because I just cannot arrange my thoughts into a proper sentence anymore. I would rather keep my thoughts to myself.
By the way, Korean food was so so delicious that I dreamed of it last night. I miss it so much. I had so much fun in Korea despite the cold because the food tasted heavenly spicy and the shopping, oh dear, it`s so cheap! Forever 21, hello!! The cute Korean prison tour volunteer, skating, food, palaces, great company, shopping(!!!), more food=great fun!
Now it`s back to school. Back to school life. Back to reality. I don`t dread it all. I just dread how time just flies away. I want to treasure every little moment more from now on.2008 was a year that I learned a lot about myself. Hopefully, 2009 will be better:)