Thursday, April 30, 2009

I am tired, of thinking, of studying, well but i still have a month to go. I must go on. Why la i want to masuk nokodai so much. It is not that I have an overwhelming passion for chemistry or engineering. I can always take the easy way out, or in other words, choosing a university with a lower 倍率. I can always take Udai(nobody is taking it in my class) Utsunomiya University is next to a freaking huge shopping small, highly convenient, accessible, near Oyama and basically it's not so bad. I'm not as good as my classmates(four of them are taking noko suisen too), not as good as my seniors, and certainly not as good as my batchmates. What the hell, I am not even good at anything!!! Serious lack of self-esteem here. But I was hoping nokodai's curriculum would help me in 2 year's time when I apply for _______.Not telling you guys but that is my secret dream. Laughable, highly impossible, but still a dream ok. That is what I've always wanted and that is what I aim to achieve la. But if I can't, it is still ok. I'll just grab whatever opportunity that comes along. Or I can adopt a child and fuss over him/her. If someone wants to have a child with me, that's great too. And then I'll proceed to decorating my house and try to be the best cook ever, for my family. This is getting way too personal, see ya.

Monday, April 27, 2009

bla bla entropy..gibbs, life, late night telephone calls, mood swings, being negative, being positive, tired, happy, love, parents, money, thinking of home, Bali, beaches, holding hands, watching sunset
makumari, kameyama sensei, research, nokodai, gunma, gidai, celeb gossips, Uni of Pennsylvania, Vera Wang, miu miu handbags..

Friday, April 24, 2009

wahhhh i loved this song when i was in primary 3(4?)
guess it was the catchy tune!

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Played joshi sakka(soccer for ladies) today. After like a gazillion years of not exercising, finally, I feel a bit energized in the sense that blood is pumping, the adrenaline is rushing and on top of it all, I had fun. But my soccer skills are abysmal, at most. But in terms of having fun, this is probably one of the best I've had in recent times. LALALALALA...I want to have more fun!Ok off to shower and sotsuken...mUah, kisses and hugs to everyone! I'm a hugger. I like to be hugged. Hugs are the best thing in the world. Apart from kisses. Slow kisses. Ok too much info there:P

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

So what if I'm not like you. Stop it. Fuck what others think. I don't need your acknowledgment of me. (well it's a whole different story if you are my dad, mom, family members, close friends or teachers) As far as I am concerned, I have a less than perfect life but I like it just the way it is. But sigh, things are easier said than done. I care about what others think about me. I should adopt a more fearless attitude, and I shall do that (or at least try to). Ironically, in an article published somewhere, most of the time people are so preoccupied with their own problems to notice others anyway. So why bother? I sound angry but the way I am feeling right now, that is probably the least accurate word to describe me. The only word to describe me now is hopeful, wistful, soul-searching, plain Jane..etc. Ah why am I blogging on a constant basis nowadays.
I love school as an institution. It gives me a sense of purpose, but lately is it right to define or value yourself in terms of academic achievements? Aren't other values such as compassion, caring, kind, patient, loving, forgiving weigh as heavy, if not more? How about monetary value, is it politically correct to say money is the all important thing in life? I, for one, think it is important but not surpassing others such as written above.

Sunday, April 19, 2009

So many many many thanks to my dearest friend who sent me a very pretty, chic blouse all the way from the fashion capital of the world. A bit exaggerating there by the way, you may refute that K. The thing with me lately is that I'm extremely stressed but thanks to a few friends I am faring better these days. Apart from the fact that my throat is not feeling 100percent, I think I'm ok. I've decided that what really matters is having those close to you giving you their utmost support.
Also, I think I am ready to put everything behind once and for all now. Life is funny but I think I'm glad with how it has turned out thus far. Funny but strange. All I am thinking about now is going back home, maybe a trip to Sabah, and be with people who lifts me up, care for me as I do them. I've got to make a heavy decision which might hurt someone I really care about deeply. I do care. I am always going to.